I ran an experiment with the boys, last week. I like to see what data can do for me. I use it to make decisions in all other areas of my life, and with this parenting task being so significant, I need data in spades. For research and training...
It was night. It was cold. It was wet. It was in the middle of nowhere, and I would be stuck there for the next hour. That’s what the roadside assistance company said. This wasn’t how holiday homecoming trips were supposed to go. And what made it all worse, was...
It’s immensely satisfying to discover a novelist whose work is so enjoyable, so engaging, one delights to gorge on it in any free moment available. Particularly at the end of a long preschooler-filled day, which finally ends with quietness, stillness, and an opulent stack of pillows. Of course, the euphoria...
It’s fortunate that I have nothing I’m required to do this weekend, because the rolling sound of the ocean tide next to this holiday bach makes me quite unable to do anything. It’s a battle with hypnosis. A struggle to do anything beyond rolling off the front of the...
Which is worse: to love writing stories but be atrocious at it, or to have the skills of a literary Rumpelstiltskin but no drive to do anything with it? I narrate in my head all day. Sometimes I tell myself the words are what I intend to write later,...
If I were a food I’d be a marshmallow. I’m soft and easily flattened. (Also white and spongy around the middle, but that’s neither here nor there.) Today I gave a small wave of thanks to a lollipop lady who’d waved me through a lane of road cones. You...
Explaining to a 3-year-old that the budgie is dead, is unpleasant. But explaining that it’s Mummy’s fault because she job-shares with the Grim Reaper, is unnecessary—so at least Timmy doesn’t blame me for anything. Only two days ago, I’d been joking with someone about not being able to keep...
Bases for friendships are irrational. When we were kids our friendships were largely determined by who else lived in our block, but as adults with wider options we like to think our rationale has deeper reaches. It doesn’t. The absurdity of it struck me today when I shared a...
The only way to make someone want something is to take it away. Generally speaking, people are horrible value assessors. When I was in school, I hated it. I suspect that’s normal. But now that I find myself busied with the busy busyness of domestic this and that, and...
So claims English professor Dr Laura Bates in her like-titled novel, which is the Big Library Read until the end of this month. Fortunately, I haven’t suffered complete inoculation against Shakespeare by well-meaning high school teachers, who tend to force it on their students with the appeal of 400-year-old...
Last night, if good for anything, was good for reminding me what living with a newborn is like. Just in case I’ll get nostalgic for it at some later date. I’m pretty sure I won’t, because just seeing a newborn baby—even before it’s made a noise—gives me Post-Traumatic Stress...
The Writing Prompt Boot Camp — by Brian A Klems & Zachary Petit Day #1: Breaking Up With Writer’s Block It’s time for you and Writer’s Block to part ways. Write a letter breaking up with Writer’s Block, starting out with, “Dear Writer’s Block, it’s not you, it’s me…”...
In the last couple of weeks I’ve tasted some diverse literary flavours. Not all of them I cared for. But trying a variety made me feel good about trying a food (or book) before deciding I didn’t like it. ‘Devil Bones’ by Kathy Reichs. This was Marmite to me....
There’s a very important difference between yesterday and today. It’s the difference that means that, unlike yesterday, today I feel lethargic, morose, and generally as flat as a pancake. With a tyre track across the middle. The difference: the sun is not shining. It’s ruined everything, just by sleeping...
I’d never enjoyed being insulted until I met Mark Forsyth, and then I couldn’t help myself. I use the term ‘met’ somewhat loosely. I was reading one of his books while on the other side of the world. But after his words were in my head, my life felt...
This blog is half a step above Tumbleweed status. I’ve discovered I’m really not suited to ‘mummy-blogging’, so this needs to be something different. I revolve around my toddler-shaped bombs of entropy on a daily basis, as a matter of necessity — why would I then spend my precious...
In hindsight, it seems obvious that if someone were to fly out a rear windscreen and 70 feet down the road, there may be long-term ramifications. Especially when one landed not on a mattress but on chip-seal. Then was tangled in fallen power lines, on life support for a week,...
What do you imagine would be discussed with your child’s teacher, in a Parent & Teacher interview? Spelling? Mathematics? No, no, we’re not there yet. This is daycare. Your child is two. So when I received an appointment time for such an interview at Timmy’s daycare, I was perplexed....
When I’m dead, I hope Timmy remembers me for having let him lick the beaters, before he remembers my yelling at him for wrenching his brother’s arm behind the highchair. Timmy’s temperament and anarchistic independence mean that I’m loudly and urgently yelling “Stop!” and “No!” on a regular basis....
This year I outdid myself in party-organising economy: I didn’t even get the party hats out. Last year taught me party hats are only good for ruining photos as Timmy helplessly grizzles about having elastic around his head. I didn’t make a cake, either. Or order one. No. I...
I feel like an escaped city dog. Like an adolescent who was given more independence than she was ready for, and is now dizzy with the possibilities, overwhelmed with the options, and frustrated with the constraints of reality that don’t enable her to do it all. It started off...
Timmy tells me, through the medium of some sort of sign language blended with interpretive dance, the greatest terror a toddler can be faced with is a bath. And when he saw the above picture, he pointed at it and said, “Timmy!” What puzzles me is the context of...
